MY LIFE Matters: TNBC Patient Voices Issue 2022 - 42

ANGEL Advocate LOSE YOURSELF
information at all and was still in a
state of shock. As time progressed as
I went through more testing and most
importantly, the staging PET scan, I
grew weaker mentally, spiritually, and
emotionally.
My PET scan results showed that I
was stage IIIc. My tumor was 5.5 cm
and had spread into multiple lymph
nodes into my axilla and neck region.
The only saving grace was no metastasis
in my organs. I went back to work as I
waited for my chemo start date and even
resumed work just two days after my
port placement. I wanted to keep myself
mentally distracted by doing what
I love, taking care of patients. I worked
until two days prior to my chemotherapy
initiation treatments. I remember the
last shift I worked before chemo, there
was an African American woman in her
sixties that I was evaluating in the ER.
She presented with complaints of back
pain and had a history of breast cancer
I have dedicated myself to helping eradicate
breast cancer, particularly the higher mortality
rates associated in Black women with breast
cancer. I owe this to my three daughters whom I
pray will never have to experience what I am
going through in this journey of life.
The nurse then proceeded to tell me
that sometimes patients receive results
electronically before the physician reviews
it because of a recent law passage.
The CURES Act, which was passed in
2021, requires all hospitals and physicians
to make test results available to
patients via online portals as soon as
they are published. As an ER provider,
I knew that my clinical notes were made
available to patients online as soon I
signed the chart, but I had no idea that
this was the impact. I was receiving a
cancer diagnosis from a portal notification
without the proper confirmation
from a physician and with counseling
regrading such a sensitive and scary
42
MY LIFE MATTERS
TNBC PATIENT VOICES ISSUE 2022
diagnosis. At that moment, I realized I
was no longer just a physician assistant,
I was now a patient too.
I received a phone call the next morning
at 8:00 a.m. from a radiologist confirming
the diagnosis. He was very cut
and dry. He had no emotion tied into
the short conversation and told me that
the breast cancer nurse navigator would
contact me. I was emotionally torn over
the next few days and was feeling very
somber. About a week later, I had a
multidisciplinary appointment with the
medical team about next steps. I don't
remember much information from that
visit. My husband was more of my eyes
and ears because I didn't retain much
" in remission. " I ordered a CT scan and
my heart dropped when the CT report
read that she had metastatic bony lesions
in her spine. I couldn't handle it! I burst
into tears and ran out of the emergency
department. I had to tell my attending
physician I was working with that day to
take over that patient and that I needed
to go home, again. I felt like a complete
failure and empty inside. I could not face
that sweet patient of mine and tell her
the cancer came back and is metastatic. I
couldn't face her with the same condition
that I had amid this new scary diagnosis.
Beforehand, I have evaluated dozens
of patients with cancer histories and
have even diagnosed new incidental
cancer conditions by remaining a diligent
provider. Of course, I never liked
to be the bearer of bad news but having
cancer myself completely affected me
in a different way. I was more sensitive
to the condition now and felt a sense of
heightened connection that I never felt
before. I was more understanding and
empathetic. I felt very similar in nature
to when I became a parent for the first
time seven years ago. I would always say
to myself " Gosh, some of these parents
are overreacting when their children are
brought into the ER for minor injuries
or illnesses. " However, I clearly under
MY LIFE Matters: TNBC Patient Voices Issue 2022

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