What Do I Do Now? - 104

104
RELATIONSHIPS /// CHAPTER 65
Things that might happen:
» Your partner doesn't know how to
respond and seems to be getting
distant or avoiding talking about
your cancer. Some people cope
by blocking out situations that are
too painful to think about. This can
really hurt.
» Your partner may overwhelm you
by trying to protect you and not let
you do anything for yourself. This
can leave you feeling frustrated or
helpless.
» Your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner
might not feel like they can handle
the situation and give you what
you need right now...and you find
yourself alone.
» Your attitude towards things and
your outlook on life has changed
because of your experience and this
impacts your relationship.
You worry that you and your partner's
feelings and attitudes about your cancer
are not in sync. One of you might be
feeling hopeful while the other is feeling
more pessimistic. Sometimes it's the
other way around. This can make it
hard for you to make decisions together
about your treatment.
» You become shy or withdrawn as
you worry about how your partner
will react to scars, sexual problems
and potentially a loss of fertility.
» You feel guilty for burdening your
partner with your illness or worry
that he is just staying with you
because he feels sorry for you.
» You feel that you just don't have the
energy at the moment to put into
a relationship as well as deal with
your cancer.
Whatever happens, it's important to
remember that it's not your fault that
you got cancer. Try to also bear in mind
that your partner has a choice to be
there with you. If they are there offering
to look after you - then let them.
You have enough to worry about. If you
have any doubts about how your partner
is feeling about your relationship, then
talk with him or her about it. In any
relationship you need to be open and
honest.
Sharing is caring
Hiding emotions creates distance
between partners. It is normal that you
and your partner won't always feel the
same way. Talk about your differences
and respect each other's feelings
without criticism or blame.
Things that can help:
» Try to maintain some normalcy and
talk about everyday things. Cancer
shouldn't always get the spotlight.
» Do something special for each other
and plan time to be together.
» Find ways to get your partner
involved as she may be feeling
helpless.
» Being able to laugh and cry together
is what it is all about.
Remember: You are not going through
this alone.
Starting new relationships
Dating and starting new relationships
can be hard enough at the best of
times. But following a cancer diagnosis,
it may seem almost impossible.
You may be feeling sick, exhausted
and self-conscious about changes in
your physical appearance and going
out and meeting new people can seem
daunting.
But finding an opportunity to socialize
and meet new people may really boost
your self-confidence and help you to
feel like things are " normal. "
You may like to try a new hobby,
join a club or take a class. These
activities might help you become
more comfortable around new people,
especially if you have physical signs of
cancer such as hair loss, scars or an
amputation.
Don't let the fear of rejection stop you
from dating. The fact is, not every new
relationship will work out. Remember
that not every relationship worked out
before you had cancer.
When to tell a new partner
It can be difficult to tell people that
you've had cancer or that you have had
part of your body like a breast or testicle
removed.
Deciding when to tell a new partner
about your cancer experience is a
personal choice.
Here are some tips:
» You may want to wait until you
think the relationship could
become serious before sharing the
information.
» Pick a time to talk to your partner
when you are both relaxed.
» Try practicing what to say
beforehand.
» You could tell them about and show
them any physical changes before
any sexual activity so you can both
get used to how that makes you
feel.
» Be honest about your concerns and
encourage your new partner to be
honest about theirs.
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What Do I Do Now?

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