119 EMOTIONAL HEALTH /// CHAPTER 75 Coping with a Loss While you are being treated for cancer, you might get to know other people who have cancer. You might find they understand what you are going through better than your other friends and become an important source of support for you. But everyone's cancer journey is different and the sad truth is that not everyone will survive cancer. Coping with the loss of a friend while you are unwell and going through so much of your own stuff is incredibly hard and downright unfair. Things you might feel: » Sad: this can feel like a deep heaviness inside you and you might think that you will never laugh or smile again. » Lonely: you may feel that you are the only person feeling like this. » Afraid: you might be reminded that cancer can be life-threatening and cause you to think more about your own life and illness. » Guilty: for surviving when your friend didn't. » Angry: there are lots of things to be angry about: at your friend for leaving you behind; at cancer and the whole situation. You might feel like you're going crazy, but these thoughts and feelings are all normal expressions of grief. Whatever reactions you experience are normal for you. Ask yourself how you feel and try to be as honest as you can. Putting a name to your feelings can be the first step in coping with them. You don't need to feel like you survived for a reason. Every cancer is different and every person's reaction to the treatment is different. Unfortunately denying guilt and grief or avoiding it usually doesn't make it go away. Dealing with it starts with recognizing it and talking about it openly. HELPFUL HINTS » Let yourself grieve - it helps. » Don't expect too much of yourself. Don't be frustrated with yourself if it takes a long time to work through this. » It's OK to laugh and enjoy things even while you're grieving. There are a lot of good things in life, even in the tough times. » Ask for help if you need it. Talk to your parents or favorite health professionals about how you are feeling. » Talk about or think about the person who died. Try writing letters, poems, stories or making a scrapbook to remember them. » Say goodbye. Attend a funeral or celebration of life.https://fwaya.org/