What Do I Do Now? - 142

142
AFTER /// CHAPTER 90
Fear
Dying is scary and being really scared of the
unknown is normal. Even if they don't have all
the answers, ask your doctor your questions. It
may not go away entirely but information can
be powerful against fear.
Denial
Continuing to believe that your cancer can be
cured and that everything will be OK can be a
way to protect yourself from thinking about
and dealing with stuff that is just too hard.
This is OK, but the bigger the gap between
your beliefs and reality may actually worsen
fear. It can also get in the way of doing and
saying the things that you want to do while you
are able.
Anger
You may be angry with yourself because you
feel you should have done more to prevent
or fight your cancer; or with the doctors or
nurses, for telling you the bad news. You may
be angry with fate and feel that it's very unfair
that this is happening to you. That is OK and
normal. Finding ways to manage this will help
you to focus on the things that are important
to you.
Sadness
You may feel waves of sadness about all the
things you won't get to do and the things that
your family will miss out on sharing with you.
Frustration
This often comes from feeling you have no
control over what is going to happen. Not being
able to do certain things because of pain and
other symptoms could also make you very
frustrated. It is important to make sure that
your symptoms are well managed. Then look
for ways to control some aspects of what is
going on, like treatment choices, where you are
treated and how you want to spend your time.
Guilt
You may feel guilty about how your family is
coping, or will cope, and that you are causing
them a huge amount of suffering. You might
also feel guilty because so much time and
attention is focused on you and your needs,
particularly if you have siblings.
Questions
Getting the right information is
so important. It can help you
process the different emotions
you're feeling. It can help you make
decisions that are right for you and
also help you to understand what is
going to happen.
Questions you have could include:
» Why did this happen?
» How do you know there are no
more treatments to try?
» Can I get a second opinion?
» How much time do I have?
» What will it feel like? Will it
hurt?
» Will I be aware of what is
happening?
There may be lots of other
questions, and there is no such
thing as a stupid question. You
can also ask the same question
multiple times as you are trying to
process the answer. Your doctors,
nurses and other team members
can be asked these questions. They
may or may not be able to answer
them. Asking some of these
questions may be really hard, but
not asking might be harder.
Things to think about:
After finding out that your cancer
cannot be cured and after you have
dealt with the initial shock and all
the intense emotions, you may start
to think about a whole lot of things
that you want to do, say, sort out
and get in order.
You may want to pack in as much
as you can while you can, or you
may want to just enjoy time with the
people you love. The important thing
is to find ways to communicate what
it is that you want.
Some of the things you might want
to think about could include:
» Is there something that you
have always wanted to do or
see?
» Are there things that you want
to tell people who you are close
to?
» Is there someone you would
like to see?
» Are there decisions that you
want to make while you are still
able to?
» Do you want to plan your
funeral?
» Have you talked to your family,
siblings and friends about what
you want to happen to your
possessions, pets and money?
Have you talked about what your
treatment options are as you enter
the end stages of life?
There is a workbook of sorts that
has been developed specifically
for AYAs with terminal diagnoses
to help them think through and
document some answers to these
questions called Voicing My
Choices. Ask your social worker,
navigator or hospital chaplain to
bring you a copy. See Section 84
about advance care planning and
documenting your wishes.
If you're able to talk openly about
how you feel to your family and
close friends, they will probably
be relieved and able to respond.
Talking to a counselor or therapist
can also be helpful to process the
road of uncertainty.
You can choose the people that you
want to talk to and that you feel will
be able to support you. You only
need to share as much as you want
to share - and at a time when you
feel ready.
https://www.fivewishes.org/shop/order/product/voicing-my-choices https://www.fivewishes.org/shop/order/product/voicing-my-choices https://fwaya.org/
What Do I Do Now?

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