NACAC - Spring 2020 - 56

By Nicole Williams

LEANING INTO FIRST
Sometimes I feel like a sheep in wolf's clothing. A discerning and systematic
higher education leader in front of others, confident in my questions and
proposals, and always a voice for the forgotten and underserved. Yet, at the
same time, I'm internalizing doubts of my abilities, the anxieties of being the face
of one or more of my intersecting identities, and the (illogical) fear of being found
out as an imposter.
Realistically I know that I have worked
my way up through the ranks, constantly
learning and honing my craft, while building
a small but mighty network of education
practitioners whose missions and values
align with mine. I have diversified my skills
and used the resources and individuals
around me to grow my knowledge, and thus
my opportunities within higher education.

56

THE JOURNAL OF

But it feels like I worked so much harder
to achieve what I have and deserve-an
exhausting thought when recognizing I
want to continue to move forward in a
field and system that was not originally
structured for me.
Many institutions of higher education
have added career planning as a focus in
their recruiting and retention strategies

COLLEGE ADMISSION

for students. Some have even offered
career development opportunities for their
faculty and staff outside the traditional
conferencing and networking events. I have
had the privilege to take advantage of such
opportunities as both an undergraduate
and professional. Yet like many other
first-generation individuals now navigating
workspaces, as I balance various work
responsibilities I must also must overcome
the cultural, financial, and social capital
gaps that trainings just don't cover.
Being first-gen for many means figuring out
how to negotiate the ins and outs of success
and progress in the workplace. Especially in
those early years as a professional, there is
often little to no support available to help
navigate salary realities (especially if you're
relocating states away), new jargon, communitybuilding, and personal social and emotional
wellness. We as first-gen higher education
practitioners, especially those who work in
admission, have to balance the awareness of
succeeding within a system we just started to
learn ourselves, while also building pathways
for our students' success.
And yet, year after year, we lean into
resiliency and work our way through the
challenges toward triumph. We find a way
to make community where there isn't one.
We code-switch and learn to lean into
our identities as points of strength. We
still often have to fight through feelings
of survivor's guilt as we progress in our
careers and work through times when we
feel the imposter in institutions where we
ironically search for student "fit."
But there is a strength in being
"first." A lesson in overcoming and being
resilient in spaces that seek to "other"
you. A triumph in learning little by little
to decode the hallowed halls of higher
education. Individuals can lean into this,
but institutions must do their part to create
inclusive spaces where firsts can thrive, not
just survive.
NACAC member Nicole Williams is the
associate director of admission for transfer
students and an adjunct faculty member in the
higher education master's program at Merrimack
College (MA).
NACAC - Spring 2020

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of NACAC - Spring 2020
