The Pellucid Perspective - March 2020 - 6

GOLFER CORNER

Golf taking Broadsides, Naval Heroes,
Ivory Soap Still Floats
By Stuart Lindsay

PHOTO BY FEATUREFLASH PHOTO AGENCY/SHUTTERSTOCK

his has not been a good month for golf. I was going to a Narrow Grave, 1968), Pulitzer Prize winning author Larry
write about something else (maybe the good news of McMurtry lamented the changes that this new edifice would
better weather), but "industry experts" Paige Spiranac bring. He did not precisely predict that we would be exposed
and Brooks Koepka put me over the edge. Apparently we can to famous cowboy hat wearing coach Bum Phillips' crew cut;
only wish to add "stuffy golf " to the list of golf oxymorons that but at least the Astrodome gave us the explanation that Phillips'
was started the first time somebody was credited with playing mother had taught him that it was bad manners to wear a hat
"smart golf " - possibly applied to noted female golf pioneer, indoors. Both our mothers also explained to us that the primary
Mary Queen of Scots, when her affection for the game was reason for this 10 Gallons of etiquette was out of respect for the
reportedly one of the charges leading to her
women in the room.
demise in 1587 - back in the days when rich
The locker room of my admittedly someroyalty expropriated the game of the common
times "stuffy" club was voted the best 19th
shepherd and started telling jokes.
Hole in the US by Golf Magazine in the 1990s
"Paige Spiranac blasts golf culture: 'A big
and was on another "best of " list recently comboys club' that is 'elitist, stuffy and exclusive,'
piled by Golf Digest. One afternoon a friend
GolfWrx, March 9, 2020." This came on the
of mine motioned for me to come and meet
heels of Brooks Koepka's similar comments
his hat wearing friend at a corner table. On
a couple weeks ago; along with a cheating
the way, the President of the club asked me to
controversy that caused Feherty to question
get the famous guy to take his hat off. After a
God's existence and multiple visible examples
quick introduction, I whispered to my friend
of temper tantrums showing blatant disregard
that he should ask his guest to take his hat off
for the playing conditions faced by their fellow
and got a WTF look from the guest shortly
competitors.
afterward. Given his home state's proximity
Many say that golf can be used as a eupheto Houston, I asked if he had watched Dan
mism for life. That could mean full of paradox,
Pastorini as a kid and remembered the coach.
contradiction, irony, hypocrisy and injustice;
"You mean the guy with the big cowboy hats
"Paige Spiranac blasts
and I'm not just talking about the Rules here.
and the crew cut?" Brett Favre took off his hat
golf culture: 'A big boys
It can also be full of compassion, charity, inand laughed.
club' that is 'elitist, stuffy
clusion, humor and honesty.
What ensued was a fun afternoon discussand exclusive,' GolfWrx,
March 9, 2020."
I can hardly criticize Spiranac's expletive
ing the quick releases of Unitas, Namath and
filled method of expression; although I was
Marino that made me late for dinner and got
happy that Koepka's comments were considerably less "in your me banned from drinking Johnny Walker Black. Favre even
face." It also can be assumed that their opinions are "well-inten- wrote me an excuse - "you think Stuart was playing golf, he was
tioned" criticism; but both were noticeably short on solutions with me at a tittie bar all afternoon" #4. My wife claims she still
unless we infer that they mean we all need to be less "stuffy." has the note somewhere, but she was not amused at the time.
Unfortunately, they also imply that in the words of John Paul
Paige Spiranac may be proud of her cleavage and feels it is
Jones to the Captain of the Serapis, "we have not yet begun to "stuffiness" to reject her charitable intentions and attendance befight." That is simply patently not true.
cause of it; but that does not mean others may not be offended,
In 1955, 70% of the golf courses in the US were "Private" - or that they might be in trouble with their wives if they found
many of them with questionable membership policies. Today, out she was in attendance - there are a lot of women who look
only 26% of our courses are "Private" with most of them having at the February issue of SI. I attended a client's annual planning
eliminated those membership policies. While I remember one session at a nice suburban Chicago club only to find out later
well publicized incident involving African-American women that it had previously achieved notoriety for men's tournaments
from several years ago; if there were more racial incidents oc- featuring Playboy Bunnies in regular attendance - apparently,
curring at golf courses, we would be hearing about them. Far the wives of more than a few members were not amused, either.
more will hopefully remember Aaron Rodgers putting a dime
She and Koepka can, of course, point to the phrase "rich, old,
on Larry Fitzgerald in Lake Tahoe.
fat white guys" coined by Jerry Tarde in Golf Digest in the early
Old pictures of baseball crowds show men in ties and hats. 1990s in defense of their comments. But then they should be
In his hilarious essay - "Love, Death and the Astrodome" (In asked why there was a chance that Tarde got paired up with Con-

6 The Pellucid Perspective

March 2020

The Pellucid Perspective - March 2020

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