The Pellucid Perspective - April 2020 - 5

TWO PATHS
DIVERGED

A Golf Course Owner Dies
From COVID-19
This one hits close to home
By Harvey Silverman

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irst, full disclosure. My
It automatically descends
opinions about COfrom the canopy when it senses
VID-19 and golf are
two riders in the cart. To faciliinfluenced by being a Type 1
tate communication between
Diabetic for 43 years. It puts
riders, there is a small, medicalme in the highest risk group -
ly-designed mesh screen (think
I'm also 65 years old. However,
confessionals) that absorbs the
I don't think I'd feel differently
microscopic mouth particulate
if I were perfectly healthy. I
and then sanitizes itself with a
just can't walk in those shoes.
UV bulb when the divider reDaily updates about the
tracts. My chief engineer, Dr.
state of golf fill our inboxes
Sneeznblo, will have it ready
daily in the face of this insidisoon.
ous, silent assassin called COJim Koppenhaver writes
VID-19, or coronavirus (as of
about GOLF Business Soluthis writing, Corona beer has
tions and the daily status re"Get Smart's" failure-ridden "Cone of Silence."
ceased production - an unforports emailed to subscribers.
tunate victim).
Bless their hearts, they are also
The NGCOA, NGF, GCSAA, SCGA, and other associa- conducting a continuing survey for golf course operators that
tions and organizations moved quickly to provide information tracks what's happening on several levels. On April 7, a page
on state mandates, course closings, course openings, and eco- was taken from the National Golf Foundation, the industry
nomic relief. I commend them all. But along with our quest to cheerleader where the only bad news is no news. Question 12
make decisions based upon the best available information and in the survey reveals that as bad as things might be, everything
data comes the opening of the COVID Golf Theater of the will be just fine because, well, it just will.
Absurd.
12. What do you expect business levels to return to following
Let's start with the Pennsylvania golf course owner practic- the COVID-19 outbreak?
ing self-masochism by wanting to lose twice. The governor of
the state is one of too few who mandated the closing of all

o Much better than before
businesses not considered "life-sustaining." Included are golf

o Slightly better than before
courses (maintenance can continue). Losing the mandate bat
o About normal
tle, this owner decided to go all-in on losing the war and filed a

o Slightly better than before
lawsuit to challenge the legality of the order. Among his points

o Much better than before
of argument is this gem: "For over a decade (name omitted)
has operated on a slim budget that barely balances." If he was
Nothing is better than a sure thing. Note - on April 8, the
in front of Judge Judy, she might tell him, "I eat morons like answer choices were properly adjusted.
you for breakfast. You're gonna be crying before this is over."
This passage is from a golf course email I received: "Carts can
Another cast member in the COVID Theater of the Absurd be shared by members of the same household or those who aris the owners who shared notes on creating a "Rider Divider" rived together in a vehicle." So, who is in the parking lot checkfor their golf carts, enabling two golfers to ride together "safely," ing the passenger load in arriving cars? And if two unrelated
and thus, filling the course coffers with the additional revenue people are stupid enough to drive to the course in the same car
lost by having single-rider carts while whistling their way to the (to save gas and not add to the carbon load?), they can also ride
bank and feeling good about themselves for providing a virus- in the same golf cart? Later, these same two people will be side
safe environment. Right.
by side in the same ICU sharing a ventilator.
I immediately got my engineers working on a cart divider
Another golf course email opened with: "Missouri State
solution. It's a dual retractable bubble, similar to "Get Smart's" Governor, Mike Parson recently announced a Missouri Stayfailure-ridden "Cone of Silence."
at-Home Order. What does this mean for XYZ Golf Course?
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The Pellucid Perspective - April 2020

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