PKD Life - Summer 2022 - 10

CAREGIVING
Ages & Stages
COMMUNICATE: Carita Logan's family
Difficult Family
Dynamics
How to cope with caregiving conflicts.
By Andrea Atkins
C arita Logan's mom was
on peritoneal dialysis
due to PKD for 17 years. Every
night, Logan prepped her
and hooked her up to tubes
that cleared her blood of the
waste that her kidneys could
not. In the morning before
work, Logan's sister stopped
at Mom's house to take her
off dialysis and get her ready
for the day.
Each sister took time
off from caregiving once
a month. And once a year,
each took a week's vacation.
" It's a lot of work and a lot of
sacrifice, and it can get overwhelming, "
admits Logan, of
Kansas City, Kansas, whose
mom died in 2019. " But you
have to share the load. You
can't do it by yourself. " In all
the years of taking care of
10
their mom, Logan says she
and her siblings never had a
big disagreement.
Many other families are
not so lucky. " It's rare to
have all family members in
sync, " says Mary Beth Callahan,
APHSW-C, ACSW/
LCSW, supportive care
team manager for Dallas
Nephrology Associates.
" For most of us, there are
times when we misread
people's communication.
When a stressor like a serious
illness comes in, it can
bring things to a crescendo. "
And when that crescendo
arrives, it can complicate
caregiving. There may not
be a way to avoid the difficult
times, but you can cope
with them more easily if
you follow these tips.
FIND ADDITIONAL INFORMATION FOR CAREGIVERS AT RESOURCES.PKDCURE.ORG
met regularly around the dining table.
" Everybody got to say what they needed
to say, " says Logan, herself a social worker.
Communication is often the first thing to
break down in families facing illness. If the
discussions become too heated, perhaps
enlist a social worker, chaplain, or nurse,
says social worker Mary Beth Callahan.
Then meet regularly to tweak your plan.
" Things usually don't go the way we envision
they will, " she says.
ASK WHAT THE PATIENT
WANTS: " As long as the patient
is of sound mind and can utter
their wishes, that's the path
to go, " Callahan says. Logan's
mom preferred the privacy of
home dialysis, " so we made it
happen, " Logan says.
PREPARE IN ADVANCE:
At getpalliativecare.org and
prepareforyourcare.org, you can
find printouts that will guide your
family to make a written plan
for the future. " These are not
easy conversations, " Callahan
concedes, " but I tell patients it is
really a gift for the family because
it clarifies things. "
EXPECT (AND FORGIVE)
MISTAKES: Everyone wants to do
the best thing for their loved one,
says Callahan, " but keep in mind
that we are all imperfect people
just trying to do the best we can. "
*
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PKD Life - Summer 2022

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