SEAHO Report - Spring 2019 - 28

SEAHO Feature Articles
In addition to my anxiety, I found I also had to deal with and manage the concerns and assumptions from
friends and family, acquaintances and strangers alike. Those worries ran the gamut. Family expectations led
to grandparents who panicked about whether or not her residence hall would be close enough to the cafeteria,
to others who didn't understand what going to university and living on campus meant. To them, it wasn't a
residential curriculum and educators interested in making sure that my daughter was learning both inside and
out of the classroom.
Suddenly from all corners came the supposition that we were kicking our daughter out of our home, not that we
decided for her development and ours as parents that it would be better for her to live on campus rather than at
home ten minutes away. I grew up in the Caribbean, and while children do go away for school, it is assumed if
you live in close proximity your children will live at home for as long as they can. When discussing whether my
daughter would live on campus family members weren't concerned with the benefits to our child; better grades,
a higher rate of graduation, friendships, or access to events and amenities that she may not have used otherwise
if she weren't living on campus.
In addition to combating my anxiety, I was also managing not only my expectations but those of others.
Nostalgia placed a considerable part in others expectations. For example, there was the concern that my
daughter wouldn't make friends because due to safety reasons residents weren't allowed to prop their doors
open. This also led to disappointment on the individual's part because they were expecting my daughter's
college experiences to mirror theirs closely. Then there were the fears; that she might party too much, some
individuals remember partying too hard and flunking out. In some cases, they assumed we would now be free to
party with her as if having a child in college meant that we too were in college.
There were others who assumed because she would be attending the University I worked for that I had an allaccess pass to her, her grades, and her living space. None of which was true. Yes, I did have her sign the Family
Educational Rights and Privacy Act waivers for both the University and Housing. I've had to manage my
expectations of when and where I see her, of what is appropriate when she and I are at work and whether it is
okay to check up on her in person or via phone. It has never occurred to me to do anything but ask her how her
week is going when I see her and I have been in her living space a handful of times since she's moved in, but
never uninvited.
What intrigued me most about all of these assumptions is the anxiety behind them. It's the fear of losing
control. We want our children to grow up and be successful, but we don't want our children to morph into the
unrecognizable. We all worry about our children. I, better than most, was equipped to handle the transition and
still had moments of anxiety, sadness, and wistfulness.
I wondered whether she was making friends if she was balancing work and school appropriately and whether or
not she would come to me if she needed help. My insider knowledge of the university and my support system
helped me through this.
Some parents have no support system. They may not have gone to university and don't understand what it
entails, which can lead to them reacting out of fear. They may have had to live at home or complete their
degrees online while working full-time. Alternatively, they may have gone away to school and end up
comparing their college experiences with their children's and finding them unfamiliar.

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SEAHO Report - Spring 2019

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of SEAHO Report - Spring 2019

Contents
SEAHO Report - Spring 2019 - Cover1
SEAHO Report - Spring 2019 - Contents
SEAHO Report - Spring 2019 - 3
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SEAHO Report - Spring 2019 - 40
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2024winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2023fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2023summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2023spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2023winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2022winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2021fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2021summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2021spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2021winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2020holiday
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2020fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2020spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2020winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2019fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2019summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2019spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2019winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2018fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2018summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2018spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2018winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2017summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2017spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2017winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2016fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2016summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2016spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2016winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2015fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2015summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2015spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2015winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2014fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2014spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2014winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/50thanniversary
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2013fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2013summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2013spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2013winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2012fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2012summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/2012winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/seaho/spring2011
https://www.nxtbookmedia.com