Training Industry Magazine - Summer 2023 - 22

BE HONEST
AND AVOIDTEMPTATION TO SUGARCOAT,
QUALIFY OR LAYER WITH IRRELEVANT POSITIVES.
If the evidence includes what was seen
or heard, then be precise and avoid
non-objective or accusatory words.
Use the past tense to describe the
evidence as the use of the present
tense may imply that they demonstrate
this behavior all the time - which may
trigger defensiveness. For example,
instead of saying, " You're a terrible
listener and don't care about what other
people have to say, " you could focus on
a specific incident and say, " When I was
speaking in the meeting, I noticed that
you were looking at your phone. "
Consider your tone and nonverbal
behaviors - it's not just what you say, it's
how you say it. This is where the benefits
of recording yourself really kick in. Think
about how your tone and inflection can
be used to convey sarcasm, doubt,
understanding or confidence. When I first
listened to myself I realized that I spoke
far too quickly - if I could barely follow
what was said, then how could the other
person? I tried to slow down my speech,
and by the next recording noticed I had
done this by using filler words. But the
" umms " and " ahhs " just distracted from
the point I was making. On the advice of
a trusted friend, I started to count to two
in my head to create a natural-sounding
pause. This can give the other person
time to absorb the message. Finding
what works for you is only possible if
you go through the awkward process
of watching yourself and continually
improving your messaging.
Lastly, throughout the interaction
remember to look after their feelings
- avoid unhelpful comparisons with
others and fixating on things that cannot
be changed. Be honest and avoid the
temptation to sugarcoat, qualify or layer
with irrelevant positives - it can be
confusing and dilute your message.
22
3. Consequence WITHOUT
CATASTROPHE:
COMMUNICATING IMPACT
Describe the impact of the specific
example - this gives a sense of purpose,
meaning and logic to the conversation.
This specificity also helps to avoid
misunderstandings or misinterpretations,
which can lead to further problems.
Frame the feedback - what issue
has it created? How is it holding back
the employee? Include a maximum
of three key points when explaining
consequences, as any more may be
overwhelming and can either weaken
the point or blow it out of proportion.
Remember, your attitude influences their
response - stay calm and use nonverbal
communication to your
commitment to shared goals. If the
problem was caused by an inappropriate
attitude, then focus on understanding
the underlying reasons why, so that
you can address them specifically. Take
time to consider their viewpoints and be
prepared to reevaluate your position -
are expectations unrealistic, or have new
facts come to light during the discussion?
5. From Understanding to
Commitment
advantage.
Leaning slightly forward with an open
posture and maintaining good eye
contact is usually best for expressing
interest and gauging their response.
Emphasize impact using appropriate
gestures, pauses and inflection.
Remember that the other person is likely
to have their own memory of the event
and intended outcomes of their behavior,
and reconciling what they are being told
now with this may take a few moments.
4. The Power of Dialogue
This is their time to talk - give them
room to comment and answer your open
questions. It is equally important to actively
listen to their answers. Be generous with
your time and patience; they might have
questions or strong emotions to work
through. Consider if they need more
from you: Do they need more training,
tools or time? Align their improvement
Move the conversation to a joint
problem-solving situation to develop
their ownership over the problem.
Offer specific suggestions to help the
person see what they can do differently
to improve their performance. For
example, " Next time, try to put your
phone away during the meeting so that
you can be fully present and engaged in
the conversation. "
Memory is unreliable, so it can be helpful
to take notes. This will also help to
reinforce that you are investing time and
effort in resolving the problem. When
commitments are written and shared,
they can seem more concrete.
Ending on a positive note is crucial to
leave
the
person
feeling
motivated
to improve and continue doing good
work. If the person has been willing
and open to receiving feedback, then
acknowledge this sincerely and reaffirm
any commitments you have made to
help their development.
Rachael Pemberton-Baghurst is the
performance and development director at
Designer Contracts, driving improvements
through her promotion of building a
values-based knowledge culture as part
of the learning and development (L&D)
strategy. Email Rachael.
https://www.designercontracts.com/
Training Industry Magazine - Summer 2023

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