Splash - March/April 2012 - (Page 6)

MIKE GUSTAFSON tALKIn’ tHe tALK S wimmers can sometimes become isolated in their own training lanes. Breaststrokers are grouped with other breaststrokers, distance swimmers are grouped with other distance swimmers, etc. Over the years, I’ve noticed a disparity of perspectives when it comes to what swimmers think about other swimmers, especially when swimmers train with one specific group an entire season. Here’s a light-hearted, exaggerated transcript of quotes I’ve collected over the years of what swimmers “really” think of each other... when you’ve been stuck in your lane too long… when “lane-isolation” has taken over your psyche… spriNters, oN DistANCe swimmers: “Distance swimmers are just people who can’t sprint. Who’d want to swim 100,000 yards every week when sprinters can swim half that? Hello? Perpetual taper, anyone? Anyone who prefers 1650 repeat sets is a little ‘off.’ It’s not that we can’t be distance swimmers. We just don’t want to.” DistANCe swimmers, oN spriNters: “Just don’t want to? Really? Ever seen a sprinter finish a distance freestyle set without complaining of a back injury or hurt shoulder? No? Really. That’s so surprising. (Feign sarcastic face.) Here’s a joke: How many sprinters does it take to complete a workout? (Pause.) That was a joke. No sprinters complete a workout.” ButterFlyers, oN BreAststroKers: “I don’t get them. They frog kick, and they scoop. They all have weird ankles and knees, and all they do is frog kick and scoop. Some waddle like a duck. I swear, watching them walk is like watching a penguin. They shuffle on land, then they jump in the pool and swim incredibly fast. Must be frog DNA. (Tries to do a breaststroke kick). I mean, this doesn’t even look right. My feet.... ugh.... I hate breaststroke.” BreAststroKers, oN ButterFlyers: “Frog DNA? Possibly. We may be our own frog army, but we are mostly practice pacifists. Sprinters can have their Lane of Power, distance swimmers can have their Lane of Cruel and Unimaginable Torment. We breaststrokers will just breaststroke all day long in our lane-to-the-side, thank you very much. Leave us alone. We’re endearingly weird enough as it is.” hiGh sChool swimmers, oN CluB swimmers: “OK, maybe I’m not as fast as year-round club swimmers, but at least my hair doesn’t rip from chlorine damage. I think club swimmers actually go home and bathe in chlorine. They smell like chlorine, 24/7. Is that it? Do they wear chlorine cologne? Chlorine deodorant? Chlorine perfume?” CluB swimmers, oN hiGh sChool swimmers: “Faster than you.” AGe Groupers, oN olDer lAp swimmers: “Sometimes old geezers come and take up our lanes in the morning. They spend 10 minutes putting on a swim cap, then don’t even put their heads in the water. Do they realize ‘water walking’ is not a sport? What is their heart rate per minute? Negative 2?” olDer lAp swimmers, oN AGe Groupers: “See that pool record up there? That’s mine. Beat it, then talk to me.” outDoor swimmers, oN iNDoor swimmers: “Indoor swimmers are easy to spot: look for shades of pink, red, and/or crispy skin at any outdoor meet. Do they not get sun in Minnesota and Michigan? Also, can they not swim a straight line when backstroking? iNDoor swimmers, oN outDoor swimmers: “Yeah, I’d really love to have fresh air, sun, and all of that. Ooooh. So awesome, outdoor swimming. (Pause.) No seriously, that would be great.” 400imers: “We are obviously the best swimmers in the world.” 50 Freestylers: “We are obviously the best swimmers in the world.” 1650ers: “We are obviously the best swimmers in the world.” swimmers, oN NoN-swimmers: “Non-swimmers? Ugh. I’ll never understand ‘em…” ILLUstratIoN By Matt LUPtoN 6 sPLAsH • March/April 2012

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Splash - March/April 2012

Splash - March/april 2012
Contents
Mailbag
Mike Gustafson
Swim Briefs/Justin Case
Top Ten Tweets/Point-Counterpoint
Technique
Nutrition
Strength & Conditioning
Mental Tips
Grand Prix Update
Training With
Keys to Success
Club Excellence Profile
Athletic Foodie
Your Photo
Trials Pool Finds a Home
Ah, the Memories!
NCAA Championship Preview
College Swimming Dynasties
No Cow, No Cream
Top 10 List - LCM
Interactive
Getting to Know
Swim Nut Zeke
A Swimmer You May Know
Eight Songs/best Race Ever
Plugged In
America’s Swim Team Athletes

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