CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 4

how Can We help you? Let us List Some Ways


ere's an update on
CareNet's list of CCAR
members who've "been
there" and are ready to "walk
with" colleagues newly struggling
with serious tzuris. We have volunteers who've
struggled with and prevailed over:
with: cancer, chronic illness, depression/
anxiety, learning disability; DEATH of a child,
parent(s), miscarriage, spouse/new relationship;

DIVORCE/new relationship; DRUG ABUSE,
self or family member; HOMOSEXUALITY,
coming out, marriage, parenting; ILLNESS,
arthritis, auto-immune, bipolar, brain tumor,
cancer, depression/anxiety, stroke; INFERTILITY;
Ready for this kind of help? Let us assist you in
making a "shidduch." Write to us at carenet@
[Please know that all conversations with
a colleague through any of these support

opportunities will be completely confidential,
unless you disclose communications of imminent
danger to yourself or others, or of harm to minors
or incapacitated persons. No ethical violations will
be reported, though each of us is encouraged
to self-report a direct breach of the CCAR Ethics
Code. This is not intended as formal therapy or
psychological counseling.]
Stephen Arnold
Connie Golden
CareNet Co-chairs

Colleagues' Comments about Shekels:
"This seminar was a very exciting and informative
program. It was well-designed and helpful in the
creation of a vibrant development plan for our
congregation. We must all remember that our
people give to people-this can be our tzedakah

WRN News


LEAN IN: One Rabbi's Response

I really didn't want to like the book. As copresident of the WRN, I felt I had to read it to
understand why it was generating so much
debate. Based on the reviews I had read and
the discussions I had heard, my impression was
that Sheryl Sandberg blamed women for their
own lack of success. I was wrong about the
book and about its message.
Lean In is a cogent overview of the obstacles
that remain imbedded in our culture, in our
biases and our self-perceptions, and that inhibit
women's advancement. Some of these are
systemic obstacles: Of all the industrialized
nations in the world, the United States is the
only one without a paid maternity leave policy.
As Ellen Bravo, director of the Family Values @
Work consortium, observed, most "women are
not thinking about 'having it all,' they're worried
about losing it all-their jobs, their children's
health, their families' financial stability-because
of the regular conflicts that arise between being
a good employee and a responsible parent"
(Sandberg, p. 23). These kinds of obstacles
have been the focus of Dr. Anne-Marie
Slaughter's research and lectures, including
the conference call she led for the CCAR on
December 3, 2012, "Why Women Can't Have
It All" (available on the CCAR website,
Sandberg focuses more on the less tangible
obstacles we all face such as expectations and

"As a bonus, my congregational leadership was
thrilled that the CCAR would offer, and I would
choose to attend, a seminar from which I would
bring them such necessary insight."
"Learning from professionals is invigorating.
These presenters were all top-notch and every
single one of them was vibrant. I have been able
to take away a whole bunch of 'gems' that we
stereotypes about gendered behavior. Women
and men share many of these biases, and we
are largely unaware of how they impact our
experiences in the workplace. Chapter 3 of
Lean In, for example, is devoted to "Success
and Likeability." A woman's success correlates
inversely with her perceived likeability. In order
to succeed, a woman has to act contrary to the
gender role of acting nurturing, accommodating,
and "relentlessly pleasant"-a phrase coined
by Mary Sue Coleman, president of the
University of Michigan (Sandberg p. 48). When
women are tough, assertive, or outspoken,
we violate these expectations. It is important
to note that these are expectations we have
of ourselves as well as expectations others
have of us. This puts women in a double bind.
We can't succeed unless we assert ourselves
professionally. However, when we assert
ourselves professionally, we are often perceived
as unlikeable, which hinders our success. No
one is to blame here. Sandberg raises the
issue to make us all more aware of these kinds
of dilemmas and offers suggestions for how
women may approach these obstacles. Her
suggestions are meant to empower us.
The key to advancing women in leadership is
the shared responsibility of men and women.
We have to learn to recognize the double binds,
the biases and expectations that hold women
back. Women AND men have to take new risks.
Men AND women have to support each other's
efforts. As Sandberg concludes, "I look toward
the world I want for all children-and my own.
My greatest hope is that my son and daughter
will be able to choose what to do with their lives
without external or internal obstacles slowing

can put into practice right away."
"This program was an invaluable experience
for me.... This seminar provided me with a
much clearer understanding of the process for
successful fundraising. I think it was one of the
most useful and informative practical programs in
which I have participated in several years."

them down or making them question their
choices" (Sandberg, p. 172).
We at the WRN recognize our role in helping
colleagues develop their potential and grow as
leaders. Our work is both in tandem with and
complementary to the work of the CCAR. We
are curious about other colleague's responses
to Lean In. We are considering whether or
not to coordinate Lean In Circles for women
colleagues. Have any colleagues already joined
or formed such a circle? Let's discuss this
within the WRN Facebook Group. Please share
your opinions and experiences with us so that
we may better respond to your needs. The
WRN is here to provide additional professional
development opportunities, training, learning,
advocacy, and support for the women of the
Reform rabbinate. In Sandberg's language, we
are here to help all women "lean in."
Rabbi Helaine Ettinger
Join us for these upcoming WRN
opportunities and visit our website for more
information, other programs, and resources-
WRN hour-long TORAH LISHMAH phone
study sessions with:
Rabbi Dr. Rachel Mikva, 11/15 11 a.m. EST
Rabbi Dr. Dalia Marx 12/12 12 p.m. EST
Rabbi Dr. Dalia Marx 12/17 12 p.m. EST
URJ Biennial-a joint program with Women
of Reform Judaism on Thursday morning,
December 12, in celebration of their 100th
anniversary as well as a special WRN gathering
Thursday night.

CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013

CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 1
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 2
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 3
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 4
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 5
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 6
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 7
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 8
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 9
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 10
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 11
CCAR Newsletter Nov-Dec 2013 - 12