The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - 10

LEADERSHIP DOWNLOAD

Here's How to Build
Your EQ to Be an
Effective Leader
By John SpenceĀ 

W

hen teaching workshops
on leadership, one of the
exercises I have the group
do is to draw a line down
the middle of a piece of paper and at the
top of the left side write "Best Leader
Ever," and on the other side write "Worst
Leader Ever." Then I ask them to list all
of the attributes, attitudes, skills and
behaviors that made each one so good
or bad. Why was one leader someone
you would willingly follow, and why was
the other leader despised? Next, I ask
them to write next to each thing they
listed whether it is an intelligence (IQ)
issue based on skills or competency,
or whether it is an emotional intelligence (EQ) issue, based on emotions
and relationships.
Here's what I've found: For both best and
worst, EQ issues are typically five times
more likely than IQ issues. That means
that if you're competent at your job but
cannot connect well with other people,
you will not be an effective leader.
Here's the problem I face: I have very low
instinctive EQ (actually almost no EQ).
It's not that I don't care about other people; it's that I don't care very much about
their emotions. But there's good news for
people like me: It is possible to increase
your EQ. Here are a few things that have
helped me do a better job of genuinely
connecting with other people.

Be Curious

Focus more on asking great questions
and being an intense listener. Ask how
they are feeling. How is everything going
10

for them? What is their point of view on
a specific topic? What information or
experience led them to think that way?
Just keep digging in an effort to deeply
understand the other person.

Increase Your Self-awareness

Try to become more aware of what
you are feeling at any given moment. Are
you stressed, enthusiastic, worried, confident, concerned? What is driving any
particular emotion? Examine what you
are feeling and why you feel that way, and
then do your best to manage the negative
emotions and increase the positive ones.

Visit www.nafcu.org/management
for details on John Spence's
leadership workshop planned
for NAFCU's Management and
Leadership Institute in the fall.
frustrated. If I were in your place,
I'd be totally stressed out."
"I hear what you're saying; that seems
so unfair to me, too, and I understand why you feel the way you do."

Once you have a good handle on your
emotions, it's time to address the other person's emotions. Here is a four-step process
that will help you do that more effectively.

3.	Ask permission to give advice. Most
of the time people will seek out your
advice, but sometimes they just want
to vent, so let them do that. They just
need someone to listen to them and
understand their feelings. If someone
does ask for your advice, it is important not to tell them what to do, but
to offer your point of view and some
recommendations of how they might
deal with the situation. Remember,
it is not your job to fix it, it's your
job to help the other person fix it
for themselves.

1.	Shut up. Just listen to the other person,
and encourage them to share their
feelings and thoughts. Don't interrupt,
don't defend, don't try to fix the situation. Just listen.

4.	Revalidate their emotions. As you
close the conversation, circle back and
let them know that they've been heard
and understood, and that you care
about them and hope they feel better.

2.	Validate their emotions, even if you
don't agree with them. Every person's
emotions are very real to them. Here
are some examples of how to do
that properly:

There is hope! Even if you have a
dismal EQ, I can tell you from experience that with practice and patience
you can learn to genuinely connect
with other people. I have discovered
that putting forth the effort to do that
will make your life more rewarding in
so many ways.

Validate Others

"I can see that you're very upset
about this, and you have every right
to be; this is a stressful situation that
would be hard on anybody."
"That's really rough; I can understand now why you are so

John Spence is an international keynote
speaker, executive coach and organizational trainer who has been helping credit
unions for more than 15 years.
THE NAFCU JOURNALā€‚ JULY-AUGUST 2020


http://www.nafcu.org/management

The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020

The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - Cover1
The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - Cover2
The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - 1
The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - 2
The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - 3
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The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - 64
The NAFCU Journal July-August 2020 - Cover3
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