GRAND Magazine - February 2009 - 28

are always checking the fridge, have claimed our spare bedroom as their own and are never afraid to ask us for anything,” says Joyce. “They share their thoughts, grades, hopes and dreams with us—and we listen.” Donna Rasin-Waters, Ph.D., a geropsychologist, says one of the benefits in having families living closer is the ability to have more meaningful contact on a day-to-day basis with grandchildren and allowing grandparents the opportunity to pass on lifelong learning wisdom in all forms. “Thoughts, values, life lessons and concrete examples like teaching a grandchild to fish when you’ve done so yourself for 50 years, or passing along a family recipe that only grandma can make just right—this is a very appropriate role for grandparents to play and often in our culture we miss out on because of the high mobility and physical separation among family members,” says Dr. Rasin-Waters. She adds that grandparents have a different dynamic when it comes to teaching grandchildren and passing down skills and values compared to their parents. “Children tend not to push away as much from grandparents’ advice as opposed to parental advice.” If you’re considering relocation, Joyce Cook says you need to ask yourself, “‘Who are you doing it for?’ “It can’t be for anyone except yourself. Grandchildren grow up, and children already have busy lives. The relationship needs to be strong before they are teens in order to work well if you live close.” She adds that you need to ask yourself how difficult it is for you to make your own friends. Barbara Jordan knowingly quotes a popular advertisement when she says, “To move: $4,000; to see our grandchildren whenever we want to: priceless.” G What the shrinks say Marion Somers, Ph.D., gerontologist: • stay for a weekend first, then move to a weeklong stay, just to see where the glitches are in the “blending of the family.” • address the critical questions: What are the expectations on both sides of the fence? Do you (as the grandparent) expect to see your family every day, or every week? It’s important to make sure everyone in the family is involved in the discussion and has a chance to voice his or her concerns before a move.” • ask yourself, “How independent am I? Is this a place where I can connect with people and meet new friends? Do I have spiritual needs that need to be met in my new area?” Susan Newman, Ph.D., social psychologist: • Moves change family dynamics. You need to ask how other siblings will react if their parents move to be closer to one child. Discuss the reasons why you’re moving and ask how they feel about it. • talk to people who have already made the move. Talk not only to the grandparents but also to their children—get the perspective of someone who has had their parents move closer. • Consider the age of the grandchildren. As children get into preteen years, they are less and less involved with grandparents— their friends take priority. • as we age, it’s typically more difficult to make friends. How are you going to stay connected to old friends? The options are good with the Internet and the telephone, but realize, it won’t be the same as when you lived near them. • ask yourself: how much are you needed? More than 70 percent of parents work. If there are young children, they may need your help, but you also need to think about how you’re going to fill your time when the kids get older. • Consider the job market in your new community as well. For a lot of people, your job defines you. You’re a grandparent, but you’re also a person. 28 GRAND FEBRUARY 2009

GRAND Magazine - February 2009

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - February 2009