GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - (Page 59) self. Courageous, unafraid of adversity, he knew England would prevail—and he knew how. In a way, we grandparents are like that, are we not? We’ve survived times we hope our grandchildren never experience. We made it. We know how. What we know may still be secret, or at least too complicated to tell children. Secret or not—why try to explain? We just know. Consequently, we can carry an authentic air of calm and self-assurance for our grandchildren, as Churchill did for England. Sociologists confirmed it in a survey of older adults earlier this year: As we age, we do find peace. “It seems to be a positive thing about aging,” says researcher John Mirowsky, age 59, of the University of Texas in Austin, “and the more balanced emotional state is something to be enjoyed rather than dreaded.” What about those days when you’re blue? That’s part of the same picture. “The key to old-age depression isn’t that older people have more negative emotions, but more passive ones,” says Mirowsky’s wife and colleague, Catherine Ross, age 54. “That’s what was feeding into higher levels of depression.” Passive? Is this about giving up? Or is it about wisdom and acceptance? Ross thinks it’s about experience. “The first time you encounter a new situation or something bad happens, it has more of an impact,” says Ross, “but the more you have experience, the less distressing it becomes.” In other words, happy or blue, not much surprises us anymore. We’re all a bit like Churchill. We know when to act and when we can’t. Give up? Never. Accept things as they are? Of course. Be calm and confident? Always. We can’t explain all of what we know. Why try? Someday, our children and grandchildren will know too. Meantime, while their parents are busy—we can be our grandchildren’s peace. Churchill never soft-pedaled what England faced. “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat,” he said in his first speech as prime minister. “We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind.” Throughout, however, Churchill urged calm. My own grandfather spread such calm without saying a word—rocking in his chair with a smoldering grin that made it look as though he’d just gotten away with something. In fact, he had. We all have. We’ve gotten away so far with this wild adventure called life. It’s not as if we can tell our grandchildren how. It’s rather something we can be for them. We can be their peace—the occasional bumblebee notwithstanding. And the next time that happens, I’ll try to be calmer. G We’re all a bit like Churchill. We know when to act and when we can’t. Give up? Never. Accept things as they are? Of course. Be calm and confident? Always. NOVEMBER DECEMBER 2008 GRAND 59
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