GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018 - 28

memories and moments

She's not a princess anymore
BY CHARLE SCHMIDT

ecember 20, 2000 - I lost one of my best friends. I was
in a black hole. January 12, 2001 my granddaughter
*Haley was born. One look at the beautiful little face
and the light came back into my world.
My daughter, *Dee, called her "Princess". She saved her
wedding dress, so Haley could wear it on her wedding day. It
was a very special dress because Gramma Grace made it.
Fast forward to 2015. Haley is in high school, attending the
Boys and Girls Club program where she meets her first transgender person. It was then Haley realized she felt uncomfortable in her own body. Before she tells her mother, she tells her
brother. "I never even had the chance to tell mom myself," she
tells me, "Because *Baz told mom, 'Haley thinks she's a boy' "

"I want people to know, I am still
the same person on the inside."

In the beginning, I thought maybe the idea of being transgender was like a fad. My best friend Amberleigh worked in
mental health and her perspective made sense. "I think Haley
has felt like this for a long time but it was not until they moved
away that she could express that," Amberleigh told me.
I was never upset or unhappy but I was confused.
Then I read a wonderful book, Becoming Nicole: The
Transformation of an American Family, by Amy Ellis Nutt.
After reading that book, I realized having a transgender
person in your family means you have to change as well. I
honestly feel blessed to have this grandchild who made me
examine my beliefs and grow as a person.
I'm proud that I have a courageous grandchild and I'm
pleased that we have a strong relationship so Spencer could
say "Gramma, I'm a boy, my name is Spencer. Please call me
he or him from now on."

28 GRAND

JANUARY FEBRUARY 2018

Before I wrote this, I asked Spencer if it was okay
to write about him. He said that was fine. We talked
about the process of coming out to friends and
family. He told me his stepmother really helped. "She
cried with me when I told Gramma Grace. It took
a while for her to grasp exactly what I meant." She
continued, "Gramma Grace hugged me and said she
loved me no matter what."
At the end of the conversation, I asked Spencer
if there was anything he wanted to share. He said, "I
want people to know, I am still the same person on
the inside."
I must admit there are moments when I am a little
sad because Spencer will never wear that special
wedding gown. And, he is not our "Princess" anymore. What he is, I believe, is a blessing.
*Some names have been changed
as Spencer has not come out to
everyone in the family and I felt it
best to respect his privacy.

Click here for resources and to learn more
about transgender youth.

Charle Schmidt has three
daughters and eight
grandchildren. She raised her
oldest grandchild and is still
raising her youngest.

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GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018

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