Spirit Magazine - July 2014 - (Page 61)

about what the doctor might say. My mom offered to go with me, but I waved her off, never guessing it would be the kind of appointment where I'd want someone by my side. When I left the doctor's office that afternoon, my rosy outlook was in ruins. The specialist, whose bedside manner was less than gentle, had told me that the little something my ophthalmologist had glimpsed was not so little after all. It was evidence of a degenerative retinal disease called retinitis pigmentosa, he informed me, and it was untreatable and incurable. My retinal cells were slowly dying, which would result in gradual vision loss. First the disease would eat away at my night and peripheral vision, and eventually it would claim my central vision, too. He wasn't sure how long the process would take, but he was "hopeful" that I might make it to 30 or 35 before... His voice trailed off, not wanting to speak the words. He didn't need to. Blind, I thought. I am going blind. As I walked the 20 blocks down Lexington Avenue back to my parents' house, my thoughts thrashed around wildly as I tried to grasp the life-altering implications of the information I'd just received. I was shocked and confused, and a great wave of fear was slowly gathering force within me. But more than anything, I felt instant and irrevocable loss, like a kid who's just lost her grip on a helium balloon. I made a grab for it, fast, but it was too late, and I watched helplessly as it receded, further and further out of reach. That feeling deepened over the weeks as the diagnosis sunk in, and at times I thought I might buckle under the weight of it. But something else was happening, too. Through the fog of my shock and confusion, I started seeing everything with the eyes of someone looking for the last time. Sights I'd always taken for granted-the bits of sparkle in the pavement, the bright, brilliant red of the streetlight-seemed immensely, heartbreakingly beautiful. I'd wasted so much time, I scolded myself, being blind to the beauty around me. Knowing it wouldn't last forever, I became ravenous for images. As the summer wore on, I put on a brave face for the sake of my family, who was taking the news the hardest, but internally I was in a daze, going through the motions-and trying desperately not to be consumed by the sadness and fear that lingered in my subconscious. Sometime in July, the fog began to lift, and my bewilderment gave way to relentless inquisition. One hugely important question begged answering: What now? I was going blind, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. So what was I supposed to do now? Though I couldn't control my disease or the blindness it would bring, I could control how I responded to it. I could cower in my house, refusing to recover from the curveball life had thrown me. I could be practical and prepare for my visual decline, learning Braille and blind-proofing my home. Or I could take the diagnosis as an urgent reminder to take nothing for granted and an imperative to carpe diem. In the time I had left, I could stuff my brain with images in hopes they'd be enough to last a lifetime. I could use the death sentence my eyes had been given as a kick in the pants to start really living. JULY 2014 SPIRIT 61

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Spirit Magazine - July 2014

Spirit Magazine - July 2014
Contents
Gary’s Greeting
Gary’s Greeting en Español
Star of the Month
Freedom Story
From the Editor
Your Words
Your Pictures
Media Center
Eat Drink Sleep
Bite into bread salad
Pour a patriotic drink
Eat like an astronaut
Numbers
Call cars by name
Analyze dating data
Business
Know your market(ing)
Shop for couture
As the Lights Go Down
As the Lights Go Down
One-Hit Wonders
One-Hit Wonders
Sightsee in St. Louis
Your Adventure In St. Louis
Your Adventure In St. Louis
Promotional Series: Spirit of Maryland
Promotional Series: Spirit of Nevada
Promotional Series: Focus on Health
Calendar
Turn a buck into a bronco
Fun!
Spotlight
Community Outreach
Products & Services
Flight Service
Terminal Maps
Information
Rapid Rewards and A+ Rewards Partners
Route Map
The “If” List
Joke with Allison Janney

Spirit Magazine - July 2014