Elephants and Tea - Walgreens Special Edition - 13

Survivor Stories
FEELING SEEN
I quickly sit down at the first availThe
beauty
was there; we just
needed some help
finding it. When
my turn came, I
proudly shared that
I had decided to
leave the goblins
behind.
and the rest of the room has five mirrors.
At home I have a strategic set-up, I only
have two mirrors; neither are in plain
sight, so you have to look for them.
I am 45 years old; why am I still dealing
with acne?! I run my hand through
my hair only to be reminded that's why
I got up in the first place. I was fixing
my hair before I left for the workshop,
ironically titled Walgreens Feel More
Like You® service. I snicker. I would like
to know if a workshop can do that. Longing
for the old times, I remember when
I always had hair; people adored it and
complimented me. It was long, blonde,
thick, and flowing! My hair framed my
flawless, glowing skin beautifully. Shit!
Now I am balding. I feel like a goblin.
You know, the green, hunched-over little
creatures with no hair, a pot belly, crazy
dark circled eyes, and bulbous noses.
Like a chia pet, I have grown my hair
back a few times. Losing it because of
chemotherapy is no fun. The last time I
lost it, it didn't fully grow back. Grieving
over what used to be, I shifted myself
back to the bed to lie down.
I hear my friend's voice echoing in
my mind, " Try to be positive, Michelle. "
" OK, I am so grateful pixie cuts are in,
but hiding bald spots is tricky. " Damn
it! Be positive! " I am thankful I have
hair. " Big sigh. " Much better, " I say to
myself. Looking at my watch, I realize I
need to finish getting ready. Great, now
I have been crying; that is a great look.
Oh well, I am trying my best. Wishing
I didn't have to worry about this shit,
it dawns on me that my self-esteem is
at its lowest. Again, I scoff at the title
of the workshop. Pacing, I was trying
to decide if I even wanted to go. I can't
go to another workshop where you are
told, " Be happy and just smile. Beauty
is on the inside. " It is just more complicated
for me.
That's it; I must get out of this hotel
room. Who flies across the country to sit
in a hotel room and cry? Refusing to be
pathetic and bald, I go back to the mirror
to carefully place what little hair I have
left. This will have to do-deep breath.
Leaving the hotel room, I look down at
my hand. The numbers are starting to
run because my palm is sweaty. Writing
on your hand is never a good idea,
yet I try repeatedly. My mind feels like
it's racing. I just need to settle down. I
finally get to the room and peek inside,
and all these beautiful people are there,
smiling and chit-chatting. Some were
even wearing white coats, which was
interesting. Someone gently ushers me
in and encourages me to sit at the table.
able spot, not even thinking about an
exit plan. Oh well, at least I made it. A
small decorative bag is in front of me,
packed with something. ADHD brain. I
HAVE TO TOUCH IT. DON'T TOUCH
IT. I HAVE TO TOUCH IT! I looked
around, and no one was touching the
bag. Without thinking, I grab the bag
and impulsively start taking things out.
A tall woman approaches me wearing a
coat. She bends over to quietly ask me to
put it back and says, " We'll get to those
items later. " Embarrassed, I quickly
stuffed the items back, looking around,
hoping no one caught that interaction.
Damn it! Presenters should know better.
Only put something in front of me if I
can touch it!
More people shuffle into the room;
some smile, some look tired like me,
and some look nervous. The woman
with the Walgreens name tag starts the
session. " Welcome to the 'Feel More Like
You' workshop. " Her voice is soothing
as she provides us with an outline of
the workshop, introduces us to all the
other professionals in the room, and
gently reminds us not to touch the bags.
" Great impression, Michelle, " I mumbled
to myself, and the cohort sitting next to
me, whom we will call Kathy, laughed.
She had rainbow hair, lots of piercings,
colorful tattoos, and glowed of youth. I
couldn't imagine why she was here. (A
side note: I will not use the real names of
products, people, or give you every detail
of the workshop. I want you to take the
time to explore this for yourself.)
We went around the room to discuss
some of our problem areas. I was honest
and said I felt like a goblin, and everyone
laughed-not the reaction I had expected
since I was being serious. " Don't worry,
Ms. Michelle. By the end of today, you
won't feel that way. " Huh. Not quite believing
that I continued to take notes.
The presenter, Shelia, looked concerned
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