Council on Aging - Answers 2023 - 35

COUNCIL ON AGING - SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
Introducing In-Home Care
When Your Loved One Says 'No'
Many care recipients are resistant to strangers
coming into their home to help. Help may be
perceived as an invasion of privacy, a loss of
independence, or a waste of money. Yet in-home
assistance is often critical in offering caregivers a
break and time to relax and rejuvenate.
Tips for making your loved one feel more
comfortable with in-home help:
Start gradually: Begin by having the caregiver
come only a couple of hours each week, then add
hours as your loved one builds a relationship with
the helper. If you feel comfortable with the caregiver
running errands or preparing meals that can be
brought to the house, you can start with those
services, which can be done outside the home.
Listen to your loved one's fears and reasons
for not wanting in-home care. Express your
understanding of those feelings. If possible, get
your loved one involved in choosing the caregiver.
He or she will feel more invested and comfortable
with the decision.
" This is for me. I know you don't need help. "
Expressing the need as yours, rather than your
loved ones, helps maintain their sense of dignity
and independence. You can also add that having
someone stay at home allows you not to worry
while you are gone. Make it clear that you will be
coming back.
" This is prescribed by the doctor. " Doctors are
often seen as authority figures and your loved one
may be more willing to accept help if they feel that
they are required to do so.
" I need someone to help clean. " Even if this
is not the real reason, often people will allow
someone in to clean when they " don't need " care
for themselves.
" This is a free service. " This strategy may
work if other family members are paying for the
home care or if it is, in fact, provided without
charge. Your loved one may be more open to using
the service since they do not feel that they are
spending money for it.
" This is my friend. " By pretending that the
attendant is a friend of yours you are relating the
home care worker to the family. This can help with
establishing trust and rapport. You can also say
that your " friend " is the one who needs company
and that by having him or her over your loved one
is helping him out.
" This is only temporary. " This strategy depends
on the condition of your loved one's memory. If
they often forget what you say, then they may also
forget that you said this. Presenting the situation as
short-term, you will give some time for your loved
one to form a relationship or become comfortable
with home care as part of her daily routine.
For additional information visit www.caregiver.org
or call 800-445-8106.
Articles & excerpts reprinted with permission from the Caregiver Resource Center OC. The Caregiver Resource
Center OC is part of a statewide program that serves as a free resource for caregivers in California. For additional
information call 1-800-543-8312 or visit www.caregiveroc.org
Council On Aging - Southern California | 714-479-0107 | www.coasc.org
Answers Guide 23/24
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CAREGIVING RESOURCES

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Council on Aging - Answers 2023

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