What Do I Do Now? - 118

118
EMOTIONAL HEALTH /// CHAPTER 74
Grief and Loss
We often only think about grief and loss in terms of someone dying, but in fact there are
all sorts of things to do with your cancer experience that could cause you to feel this way.
Loss happens when you lose something or someone that is very important to you. It can
feel like everything has changed and that life will never be the same again.
The first time you may have felt loss was when you were told about your cancer. But it can
also happen at other times along your cancer journey.
Losses you may feel as a result of your cancer:
» Your body doesn't work the same as it did before.
» You look different now.
» You lose contact with friends or feel a bit excluded
because you can't go out as much or you don't feel like
doing the same things.
» You break up with your girlfriend, boyfriend or partner.
» You had to give up college or training or your schoolwork
is not up to your usual standard.
» You can't work in the same job anymore.
» Your choices for careers are now different.
» You may have less opportunity to pursue a lifelong
dream.
» You may not be able to conceive a child.
» You or your parents can't work so there is a change in
your financial situation.
» You feel that you have had to grow up a lot and you
missed out on being young and having fun like everyone
else your age.
» A trip was cancelled because of cancer treatment.
» You have lost confidence and certainty and feel like you
will never be happy or worry-free again.
» The way you feel about losses like these is called grief.
Grief is a normal, healthy response to loss and it can
help you adjust to the loss.
It is important to recognize when you are experiencing grief
so that you can cope with it and get some support.
You may be experiencing grief if you notice some of these
behavioral changes:
» Having trouble sleeping or wanting to sleep all of the time.
» Having sad dreams or nightmares.
» Eating tons or not wanting to eat much.
» Crying lots and feeling extremely sad.
» Avoiding things, places, or activities that remind you of
what you have lost.
» Wanting to be alone or not wanting to talk to anyone.
Grief is a personal thing.
There is no right, wrong or " normal " way to do it and how
long it lasts will be different for everyone. Don't compare
yourself to others and don't be embarrassed by how you feel.
It's hard to imagine now, but it won't always feel this hard.
Grief is not a single event, but can come and go in waves
and you will have good days and bad days. Try to be patient
with yourself.
Putting a lid on it and hoping it will go away isn't always the
best way to deal with grief. It is important to get support to
deal with these things and to help you to make adjustments
in your life.
Usually, the best way to cope with grief is to express it. So,
let yourself feel sad and try to release your feelings.
Remember: Your grief is your own. You might have to ignore
people who tell you just to " move on " or " get over it. " Only you
know how you feel.

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What Do I Do Now?

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